Lumber Yard Lizards
Have you heard the rumors of the Lumber Yard Crew? A curious presence has haunted these racks for as long as we know. Their homes are made of rusty, old hand tools scavenged from The Upstairs-Unknown and hidden deep in the moss under the pile of 2x4s out back. We know they’re bipedal, due to the smatterings of wet foot prints in the paint den. We know they have some level of respect for the business, since they hold their break dancing competitions on the mislays instead of the A1 plywoods. No signs of them touching the slabs have been found, except for an old story of a smushed lizard, that wasn’t really a lizard, found on the side of a slab that had fallen in the night.
While they’re clearly not that evil, they do have some mischievous tendencies. Milling Mark’s 36” sander, 24” planer, and straight line saw are regularly well-maintained by little hands on the inside. However, when the sander is running, there is always a chance that one of The Crew will shut down the machine and trip the breaker for a good laugh; Mark is always trying to catch one of the buggers. In the by-the-pound bin up front, it’s a consistent free for all. That’s where The Crew go to settle their internal disputes, which seem to occur more often than not. In the screws and nails is another common battleground; we can say so by the amount of thrown hardware we find on the floors. If you see someone standing in either area, digging for too long, just know- they’ve seen more than you ever will.
The Crew are enchanting; they seem to have a captivating magic about them. Anyone who has interacted with them has an insatiable drive to see one again or, better yet, catch one. I keep to myself as the researcher of The Crew. I’ve asked the employees here about their dealings; I only relay the stories I have heard. I don’t go looking for them, for I have seen too many lost to the hunt. Some around here try to fulfill their needs by hunting other animals, but it will never suffice. I hope that if I can keep to these journals, I will be able to tell the stories, and warn the others. Tiny, mischief, two-footed, magic lizards are exciting, I know. But listen, we have to stay safe. Mention this article to an employee to enact your protective shield! Plus, you could receive a discount!